CONFIRMED: After extensive review, Vance's handling of championship trophy ruled a fumble

Vice President J.D. Vance’s clumsy handling of a trophy at the White House Monday has officially been ruled a fumble.

“Upon further review, the ruling of a fumble is confirmed,” said White House Chief of Officiating Ray Browning.

Some have speculated the University of Michigan was somehow involved as an attempted sabotage, a claim that fact-checkers have determined too plausible to be called a conspiracy.

During an event on the front lawn, Vance attempted to hoist the college football national championship trophy, earned by his alma mater Ohio State Buckeyes, but in doing so, lost control of it. While running back TreVeyon Henderson managed to hold onto the trophy’s top half, the bottom crashed onto the podium beneath their feet.

The play was so cut and dry that even mainstream media outlets correctly labeled it a fumble. However, as is custom these days, the mishap triggered a replay that was anything but instant.

All that matters is that they get the call right? Looks like Gene Steratore keeps a pretty light schedule in retirement.

Referees consulted sideline television monitors and broke down the series of events frame by painstaking frame. Finally, 32 hours later, they reached the predictable verdict. Because Henderson had recovered the main part of the trophy, Ohio State retained possession and was permitted to take it back to Columbus.

“Basically, the officials determined that Vance had lost possession of the trophy prior to his knee touching the podium,” said CBS rules analyst Gene Steratore, who occasionally covers White House events for extra money. “I know people were frustrated over how long the review took, but in the end, they got the call right. And that is what’s most important.”

Perhaps that is Steratore’s top priority. But the incident reinforced the belief by many that White House video reviews need to be resolved more quickly, especially considering the federal government shuts down until an official determination is announced.

“It’s no surprise that the left and the media - but I repeat myself - want to make a big deal about my blunder. But let’s not lose sight of what really matters: The Ohio State Buckeyes are national champions!” said a hobbling Vance, who later that evening dropped a bowling ball on his foot during a charity event honoring beer-drinking athletes.