Economists: Adding zeroes to currency with black Sharpie most effective way to protect against inflation
As Americans prepare for potential inflation, leading economists are reminding the public about the most effective technique to protect their pocketbooks: Adding zeroes to their currency with black Sharpie markers.
“The concept is so simple that it’s amazing people ever forget it,” said Penny Smart, a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution. “During an inflationary period, your standard one-dollar bill isn’t worth as much. Therefore, the best technique I’ve ever discovered to overcome it is to take that dollar bill and add a ‘0’ behind the ‘1.’ Voila! You’ve got yourself a 10-dollar bill.”
Smart said that adding multiple zeroes - thus creating one-hundred-dollar bills - has proven even more popular with many Americans. However, she added it often requires a Sharpie with a finer point. But why use a black Sharpie marker rather than, say, a green pen that better blends in with its surroundings?
“There is no inherent value in a piece of green paper with a dead guy’s picture on it,” she said. “We need to have faith that that paper stands for something. And a black Sharpie marker, in all its boldness and permanence, exudes strength and confidence in every way.”
Of course, this system only works when using cold, hard cash. Drawing zeroes on your credit cards yields no effect other than to jam up machines and confuse checkout clerks.
“I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of this before,” said Brenda McMurty of Dotson, Kentucky. “My husband and I used to fret about how we'd afford to get our youngest through college. But as soon as we learned about this, we paid all four year’s tuition in one day, quit our jobs, bought a new Mercedes and are about to move into a beachfront mansion on Martha’s Vineyard. So long to the days of questioning experts!”
A recent Forbes Magazine poll found that four out of five economists not only endorse the idea, but in fact see no potential downsides whatsoever.
But the fifth economist was less convinced. Stephen Price of the Cato Institute is pleading with the American people not to be “duped” by what is quickly becoming conventional wisdom. “Not only would this illogical idea lead to the exact opposite outcomes as intended; it is also most likely a felony that could carry serious prison time. I am urging the American people to put down their Sharpies this instant so that we can pursue real, common-sense solutions to this problem.”
Price's objections were promptly dismissed, however, after it was discovered he had posted a semi-offensive tweet in 2009.
Originally published May 31, 2021.