FLASHBACK: 2022 Bucyrus Bratwurst Festival
Arguably the most popular story Battle Line has ever published
Dear Readers - As Battle Line has taken a brief hiatus during the dog days of August, today we decided to re-print a story that was published exactly one year ago. For some reason, this really struck a chord with our readers at the time. As our reader base has grown since then, it is very likely that not every subscriber has seen it. So, please enjoy! We will be returning to more regular content very soon.
Bucyrus Bratwurst Festival Queen dethroned, demoted to Jester of Leesville Li’l Smokies Jamboree
Abigail Brocwell’s experience in royalty was short-lived. And she has a steep mountain to climb if she ever hopes to experience it again.
In 2021, Brocwell was crowned the Bucyrus Bratwurst Festival queen, a position that carries more authority than even the Corn Dog King. The title of queen lasts for one year until the next festival, during which a new queen is crowned.
While the queen can act with near impunity, she can be removed from her throne through a unanimous vote of the Crawford County Knights of the Round Table, a seven-member governing body that dates back to the Middle Ages. Earlier this month, the Round Table chose to exercise such drastic action, just 10 days before this year’s festival.
In explaining its 7-0 vote to media, a spokesperson for the Round Table said the knights believed Brocwell’s behavior while attending other area events was unbecoming of a bratwurst festival queen. They also pointed to the fact that, during her reign, gas prices at the Bucyrus Circle K had increased by $1.75 a gallon. (It is unclear how much authority the queen of a bratwurst festival has over gasoline prices, but nonetheless it did not work in her favor.)
Only once before has the Round Table taken such bold action. In 1976, the knights dethroned Queen Samantha Hamilton over allegations she had stolen ale from the local pub. But when it was later revealed that she had simply clawed the ale away from the village drunk in order to save the man from his malignant vice, she was promptly reinstated and reissued her keys to the kingdom.
There doesn’t appear to be any interest in reinstating Queen Brocwell. Not only have the knights dethroned her, but to add insult to injury they have also demoted her to the position of Jester of the Leesville Li’l Smokies Jamboree. Leesville is a small village about 10 miles east of Bucyrus. To state the obvious, Brocwell’s new position is a long fall from being queen of a bratwurst festival.
“If the Bucyrus Bratwurst Festival is the New York Yankees, then the Leesville Li’l Smokies Jamboree is their Single-A minor league affiliate,” said Jessica Leary, who thinks highly of both the festival and the Yankees. “The jamboree is primarily dedicated to introducing youngsters to a lifetime of eating cased meats.”
“There is nothing inherently bad about li’l smokies,” Leary clarified. “They are a delicious addition to any family reunion or Super Bowl party. But nothing compares to the primetime lights of Bucyrus.”
“This is probably the most ruthless collection of Round Table knights I can remember,” said Bucyrus resident Ruth Ohler. “I really think they’ve let their power go to their heads, and I don’t think the history books will look upon them fondly.”
But because knights are appointed to lifetime terms, there is little that can be done. In the meantime, some believe that being jester may give Brocwell more leeway to poke fun at Round Table members. She’ll have to be careful not to go too far, however, lest the knights demote her again to an even lower position, such as kitchen duty at the Sulphur Springs Hard Boiled Egg Gala. Or, worst of all, be banished from Crawford County altogether.
This isn't the best Battle Line article I've read, but it's also not the "wurst"!