Food Network facing financial ruin as extra virgin olive oil climbs to $3,200 a barrel
The Food Network is under immense financial pressure as its most popular ingredient, extra virgin olive oil, has reached a staggering $3,200 per barrel. Network executives have warned they may have to suspend all programming until prices drop to a more reasonable level.
Like the rest of the country’s homes and businesses, the network has been hit hard by inflation in almost every respect, namely food and groceries. But nowhere has the cable giant’s budgetary strain been more pronounced than in the “EVOO” line item.
You might be thinking that, even with prices rising to record levels, surely an entire barrel of olive oil must go a long way. Not the case, according to Food Network President Courtney White.
“At first glance, you wouldn’t think our hosts use all that much,” she said. “A little bit here, a few drops there. But it adds up. When I have my monthly sit-downs with our hosts to see how things are going, their message is universal: ‘I need more extra virgin olive oil.’”
White explained that show hosts do not only use EVOO during their televised programming. They also use it when preparing meals ahead of time. “You know, the finished product they reveal at the end of the program. Not every meal can be prepared in a half hour.”
Attempts to persuade hosts to switch to other, less expensive oils, such as canola or vegetable, have gone nowhere. “Uhhh no,” said Giada De Laurentiis, host of Giada Entertains. “I’m not making Hamburger Helper for your kid’s soccer team. I'm cooking high-quality, delicious, healthy meals on television in front of the entire world. And they’re asking me to cook with canola oil? Gross.”
“Once, a show producer asked if I’d consider switching to “’I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’ spray," said Barefoot Contessa host Ina Garten. “It’s a good thing I was making margaritas on that day’s show and was in a cheery mood, or else I'd have smacked him right across the head.”
With these conversations being nonstarters, network execs have begun pleading with federal officials to approve permits for increased olive-oil drilling on federal lands. So far, the White House has resisted these calls and even rejected a major pipeline project that would connect several olive oil refineries between Canada and Mexico.
“Under this administration, our nation will remain reliant on foreign olive oil, despite having the resources to be domestically independent,” Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said on the Senate floor. “Terrible shame, isn’t it?”
Well, it depends on who you ask.
“Absolutely not!” said Monica Flores, President of the Independent Foundation for Adding Raw Things into Everyday Diets (IFARTED). “Our country has been beholden to the interests of Big Olive for too long. Enough already! It’s time Americans switch to foods that are unmolested by our modern, unhealthy cooking practices.”
“No more oils! No more oils! Who’s with me?!” she chanted while biting the head off a raw broccoli stalk, contorting her face to make it look bearable.
For foods that require some amount of heated preparation, Flores suggests utilizing energy from the sun. To demonstrate, she nestled two pork chops into a skillet and placed it under direct sunlight on her patio. “Just ten hours or so and these will be ready to go,” she said. Twenty-five minutes later, she noticed that the pork chops were missing and that her dog was throwing up in the foyer.
“That’s why I’m a vegetarian,” she said.
Originally published June 4, 2022.