'Golf Feet': The nation's newest epidemic

Scientists and medical experts are perplexed by what has emerged as the nation’s newest epidemic. The condition features individuals suffering from pale, white feet – sometimes blindingly so – while at the same time their legs and arms become increasingly dark. Though not yet given a scientific name, it has been commonly termed ‘Golf Feet’ due to its prevalence in the golf community, particularly among Caucasians.

It is most pronounced immediately following a round of golf, and naturally it has generated great concern with those most affected.

“I had just finished up league play last Thursday on a particularly hot, sunny afternoon,” said Roger Muschamp, 53, of Crescent Beach, Florida. “As I was about to put on my flip flops in the parking lot, that’s when I noticed how pale my feet were, especially compared to my legs. Of course I was scared. Anyone who saw what I saw would have been scared too.”

To date, no official cure has been identified. However, early indicators suggest it is likely an issue of poor circulation in the feet. Therefore, most doctors are encouraging sufferers of the condition to keep their feet as warm as possible in order to stimulate blood flow. One of the best methods for achieving this, they say, is to spend at least an hour a day wearing thick, wool socks while sitting in direct sunlight.

Originally published June 30, 2021.