News Briefs: May 2023
RIP Jim Brown; Bill Gates blackmailed; Politicians playing basketball; Seatbelt noncompliance
Introducing “News Briefs,” where we recap some of the month’s top stories in short, bite-sized snippets.
RIP, Jim Brown: NFL Hall of Famer, Music Legend
Hall of Fame running back and funk music legend Jim Brown died this month at the age of 87. Brown, who played his entire football career in Cleveland and won a championship in 1964, ranks sixth all-time in rushing touchdowns. He also achieved stardom on stage, where he went by his formal name, James Brown. It was there where he earned nicknames such as “the Hardest Working Man in Show Business” and the “Godfather of Soul.” The world may never again witness a man of such diverse talent and accomplishment. Rest in Peace.
Bridge collapses following news of Epstein blackmailing Gates
Jeffrey Epstein allegedly threatened to blackmail Bill Gates over an affair the Microsoft cofounder had with Russian bridge player Mila Antonova, according to a Wall Street Journal report.
The report made neither man look good, but it may have been most damaging to bridge. The game’s popularity has plummeted in recent weeks, especially among women, who say they fear playing bridge may increase their risk of having sex with Bill Gates.
Senate Democrats win 2023 Capitol Hill Co-Ed Basketball League championship, Fetterman named MVP
Behind John Fetterman’s game-high 24 points and 11 rebounds, the Senate Democrats won the 2023 Capitol Hill Co-Ed Basketball League championship, defeating the US Department of Homeland Security, 72-65.
It was the team’s first title since 2009, when then-68-year-old Majority Leader Harry Reid shot an impressive 6-of-11 from behind the arc and finished with a team-best 21 points in a thrilling 61-58 victory over the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
For his efforts, Fetterman was named league MVP. In a postgame press conference, Fetterman said he is unsure of his future now that he has accomplished everything he set out to do after being elected senator. “I ran for office with one goal in mind: To bring a championship back to the Senate Democratic Caucus,” he said. “Right now, I’m just looking forward to spending time with my family during the offseason before I make any decisions about next year.”
REPORT: Refusal to wear seatbelts keeping drunk Ohio drivers safe
The percentage of Ohioans wearing seatbelts has reached its lowest point since 2005, according to a survey by the Ohio Traffic Safety Office. This does not mean that Ohio motorists are throwing all caution to the wind, however.
In fact, a record number of drivers said they use the dinging sound of a disengaged seatbelt to help them stay awake while driving home from the bar while “totally shitfaced.”
“I’ve tried all sorts of things to keep me alert behind the wheel when I was bombed out of my mind,” one respondent said. “Nothing has worked as well as that annoying ringing sound the seatbelt makes when I’m not wearing it.”
The report concludes: “Even though fewer are wearing seatbelts, the fact Ohioans still take roadway safety so seriously is no doubt encouraging.”
Love the seatbelt piece! Still chuckling.