SAG-AFTRA President: 'Protest marches to continue as soon as we can get some AI robots in here to replace the actors'
On Thursday, SAG-AFTRA President Fran Drescher said actors’ protest marches will resume the moment she can find some AI robots to fill in for the real-life celebrities.
Drescher is best known for her deafening laugh on the 90s sitcom, The Nanny. After protesting with Hollywood’s most talented prima donnas for the past couple weeks, she’s sure not laughing anymore.
“I’m just tired of dealing with them,” Drescher said of the striking actors. “We’re supposed to be in this together, standing in solidarity against the greedy corporate studio executives. Instead, I’ve been spending most of my time coddling a bunch of crybabies whining about humidity and sore feet. Not something I expected from this group.”
Actress Susan Sarandon really got on Drescher’s nerves, complaining about blisters forming on her heels following one of the marches. “I told her to wear different shoes, but noooo, she had to do it her way,” Drescher said.
“I’ve been protesting things since I was nine years old,” Sarandon snapped back. “But now I’m 76. So I figured I could just walk up and down the sidewalk in front of the cameras a few times and call it a day. But Fran’s like Bear Bryant out there. Constantly pushing, pushing, pushing.”
“She’s only 11 years older than me,” retorted Drescher. “Yet I’m still out there stomping my feet and shaking my fists. Suck it up, buttercup.”
“Fran thinks she’s so tough,” said a defiant Sarandon. “I’d like to see her say that a decade from now. When you get to be my age, 11 years make a hell of a difference.”
By Tuesday evening, her frustration overflowing, Drescher had an idea: Replace the whining real-life actors with a bunch of look-alike robots that can be programmed to do and say whatever she wants.
This may seem counterintuitive or even self-defeating considering one of the union’s biggest concerns is having protection against studios utilizing artificial intelligence.
To this, Drescher gave a curt response: “Take it up with somebody who gives a f***,” she said while lighting two cigarettes at the same time. “I’m at wit’s end here. Much more of this shit and I’ll be standing on the other side of the picket line.”
It turns out that one actor had already put Drescher’s idea into practice. It may have looked like Jason Sudeikis was picketing with his fellow stars. But in reality, he had purchased and programmed an identical AI robot to take his place. His genius plan backfired, however, when the robot short-circuited during a brief rain shower, causing it to pull down its pants and run through the streets with middle fingers pointed skyward, screaming “God save the queen.”
“See what I have to deal with—f***ing idiots,” Drescher said before promising to purchase higher-quality robots.
By press time, an Amazon.com spokeswoman confirmed that 18 artificial-intelligence actor clones should arrive at the SAG-AFTRA headquarters by the end of next week. To which an inebriated Drescher rolled her eyes and said, “Better late than never, I guess.”