Trump pressures Congress to act fast as nation’s ‘30% Off Greenland’ coupon expires at end of April
If President-Elect Donald Trump wants to purchase Greenland, then he’ll need to act fast to lock in the best deal. And he knows it.
That’s why he is urging Congress to move swiftly in the new year, before his ‘30% Off Greenland’ coupon expires on April 30.
“This is a great deal, the best deal,” Trump said. “Nobody gets deals like I do. Many people are saying big things come in small packages. This coupon? Very small. Greenland? Very big. We need to get this done.”
How Trump acquired the fittingly green coupon remains uncertain, but it reportedly has been validated by numerous courts around the globe. That means that if Denmark—Greenland’s current owner—agrees to sell, then it must also honor the terms of the coupon, per international law.
But the clock is ticking: The coupon is only valid for another few months. That leaves little time for Congress to put together an offer. On the other hand, if Denmark hesitates to put Greenland on the market, then it could be stuck with a piece of heavy, overpriced inventory heading into summer, when consumer demand for purchasing countries typically wanes.
“It’s crucial we get moving because coupons have strict conditions,” said Senator Ted Budd (R-NC). “I once had a coupon for $10 off at Chili’s, but I waited too long to use it. I went in ONE DAY after it expired, and they wouldn’t accept it. This is pretty much the same situation.”
According to New Mexico Rep. Melanie Stansbury, Trump has been parading the coupon around ever since winning the election in November. “Whether we buy Greenland or not, I’m sick of him waving it in everyone’s face, like a kid with a new toy cash register who suddenly thinks he understands economics,” she said.
One such example occurred last week outside former President Jimmy Carter’s funeral, where Trump dramatically pulled the coupon from his jacket pocket. A gust of wind blew it out of his hand. After nearly five minutes, Secret Service agents retrieved the tumbling ticket, mere feet before entering a storm drain. That’s how close the United States came to losing this opportunity all together.
If the sale of Greenland goes through, it could mark the most consequential use of a nation’s coupon since the British Empire leveraged multiple “Conquer One Territory, Get One Free” promotions during the 16th and 17th centuries.
At press time, Danish officials had not yet confirmed whether they intend to put Greenland on the market. Greenland had not yet provided comment because no one was present to answer the phone.