US Defense Secretary’s mysterious absence blamed on failure to activate “Out of Office” message in Microsoft Outlook

New details have emerged that help explain the mysterious absence of Department of Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin in early January. Austin was AWOL from his position for nearly a week without notifying anyone of his departure, including President Joe Biden.

Public records obtained by Battle Line reveal that Austin simply forgot to activate his “Out of Office” message in Microsoft Outlook prior to leaving the job for an undisclosed elective surgery that placed him in the ICU for several days.

The public was initially outraged and concerned over the apparent lack of leadership within the highest ranks of our nation’s military. But this new detail - relatable to anyone familiar with Microsoft Outlook - has gone a long way to restore the American people’s faith and trust in the national security state.

“At first, I was like ‘What the f*** is going on here?,’” said Bryan Moreira of Shreveport, Louisiana. “But after I learned that it was simply a result of forgetting to turn on the “Out of Office” auto-reply in Outlook, I calmed right back down. I’ve done the same thing. It’s a common mistake. Our nation is in good hands, and I was wrong to ever question it.”

As shown here, Secretary Austin had prepared an out-of-office message where he was directing people to Deputy Secretary Kathleen Hicks, who was vacationing in Puerto Rico.

Microsoft Outlook allows users to compose a message for whenever they will be out of the office for an extended period of time. The message automatically replies to any incoming email, letting the sender know that his or her intended recipient - in this case the department leader of the world’s most powerful military - will not be available until a later date.

While Austin had an out-of-office message typed up and ready to go, he forgot to activate it prior to his absence. Therefore, incoming emails received no auto-reply and instead sat in Austin’s inbox, unchecked, for days.

‘Common Mistake’: Activating the automatic reply requires clicking the bubble next to “Send automatic replies,” which Austin forgot to do.

“This is something that more than 80 percent of Microsoft Outlook users have experienced when trying to communicate an absence,” said Susan McGill, Dean of the College of Email Studies at New Mexico State University. “Once the dust settles, I expect the American people to fully forgive Secretary Austin. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if his approval ratings actually improve, as this may make him seem more relatable to the general public.”

Deputy Secretary Kathleen Hicks was vacationing in Puerto Rico when she was suddenly informed that she would be stepping in as the acting Secretary. “I swore an oath to serve and protect The United States and am always ready to step in when my name is called,” she said. “So I ordered one last Mai Tai from the poolside bar and then immediately got to work on behalf of the American people.”

When asked whether Austin’s email snafu indicates incompetence within his administration, a visibly irritated Biden snapped, “Listen here, Jack! I’ll give you an automatic reply…” before losing his train of thought and meandering into an unrelated subject.