Battle Line

Battle Line

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Bezos-Sanchez wedding upstaged by Oprah shot-gunning nine Busch Lights in 45 minutes
VENICE, Italy – The eyes of the world were on the celebrity wedding of Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez Friday.
ChiefsAholic, convicted Kansas City werewolf, labeled a 'problem prisoner'
ChiefsAholic, the Kansas City superfan sentenced to 32 years in prison for robbing multiple banks, is not adjusting well to his new environment.
Blue Jackets fans collectively shout “Leo!” upon hearing name of new pope
After hearing the announcement of the new pope last week - Pope Leo XIV - Columbus Blue Jackets fans responded in unison by shouting “Leo!” at the top…
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HEY, BATTLE LINE: I faked a vasectomy to watch March Madness. Now my wife is pregnant.
LETTER: Supporting small business, strengthening communities.
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August 1776: John Hancock signs the Declaration of Independence … twice
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Cranberry Sauce: A Tribute
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Following four-day hiatus, Householder trial resumes; judge forbids consumption of Skyline Chili
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Poll: Amid threats of TikTok ban, Gen Z now lists Xi Jinping as top choice in 2024 US presidential race
Reckless I-71 Driver: “I didn’t want to get any closer to Cincinnati”
By now, you’ve likely seen this video:
FLASHBACK: Congrats on graduating; you are now officially unemployed
The Ohio State University held its spring commencement Sunday.
Jr. Whopper suffering body-image anxiety after comparing self to Instagram models
Details continue to emerge regarding Instagram’s harmful effects on today’s youth.
CONFIRMED: After extensive review, Vance's handling of championship trophy ruled a fumble
Vice President J.D.
Eco-conscious rioters switching to battery-powered Molotov cocktails for future Tesla bombings
To mitigate their carbon footprint, eco-conscious rioters have announced they are switching to electric Molotov cocktails for future bombings of Tesla…
Dramamine launches anti-nausea remedy for stock market trackers
Makers of the popular motion-sickness medicine, Dramamine, today announced the release of a new product aimed at Americans who closely follow the stock…
After 286 days in space, rescued astronauts face over $20,000 in parking tickets
Raining on the homecoming parade
Battle Line
Battle Line
Satirical commentary on politics, culture, sports and everything else that deserves it.
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