Battle Line

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BREAKING: Scheffler back in custody after errant tee shot extends boundary of ankle monitor
PGA Tour star Scottie Scheffler will end his day where it began: In the custody of the Louisville Metro Police. Scheffler, the world’s top-ranked…
COMMENTARY: Is a dinner without food really dinner?
The topic in the New York courtroom switched to dinner. It was about time the trial got interesting. The other details of the case revolve around former…
Op-Ed: Now I know why Kristi Noem has the best-behaved dogs in all of South Dakota
By: Kay Nynes, Pierre, South Dakota I have been Kristi Noem’s next-door neighbor for close to 10 years. During that time, I must say, Kristi and her…
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HEY, BATTLE LINE: I faked a vasectomy to watch March Madness. Now my wife is pregnant.
LETTER: Supporting small business, strengthening communities.
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August 1776: John Hancock signs the Declaration of Independence … twice
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Following four-day hiatus, Householder trial resumes; judge forbids consumption of Skyline Chili
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Poll: Amid threats of TikTok ban, Gen Z now lists Xi Jinping as top choice in 2024 US presidential race
New Miller Lite marketing campaign gives select customers opportunity to be scolded for being sexist pigs
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GAME ON: March Madness Bracket Challenge
The 2024 NCAA Tournament bracket was released this evening. Participants in this year’s challenge are welcome to use their preferred method to send…
2024 March Madness Bracket Challenge
Happy March everyone, and welcome to the most exciting part of the sports calendar! Everyone receiving this email is welcome to participate in the 2024…
HEY, BATTLE LINE! I think my headphones are broken.
Hey, Battle Line! My headphones only work out of one ear. Any advice? - Tomas, Puget Half Sound, WA Hey Tomas - First, remove the headphones from your…
FLASHBACK: Where Are They Now? Terry Tate: Office Linebacker
With Super Bowl LVIII just days away, here’s a look back at Terry Tate, who made his television debut during the Super Bowl in 2003 - and my chance…
TERROR ON THE SEAS: Rescue mission initiated as cruise ship’s water slide launches passengers directly into ocean
A relaxing vacation on history’s most luxurious cruise liner suddenly turned into a daring battle for survival for 12 individuals last week. Among Royal…
WHAT IS IT?: One hundred percent
Welcome to the latest installment of "What Is It?” where we look at a term or concept relevant to present discourse and help readers make sense of it…
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US Defense Secretary’s mysterious absence blamed on failure to activate “Out of Office” message in Microsoft Outlook
New details have emerged that help explain the mysterious absence of Department of Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin in early January. Austin was AWOL from…
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Battle Line
Battle Line
Satirical commentary on politics, culture, sports and everything else that deserves it.
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